The Science of Flight

For many years humans and land-roaming animals alike have dreamed of flying. Every person and animal wishes they could take to the skies and soar freely. It is viewed as the ultimate freedom.

However, it has become quite clear to science that flight should not be a skill to want. Think about it. Every animal that flies is absolutely disgusting. ESPECIALLY the animals that are named after the act itself: FLIES. Putrid beings that feast on decay and butt chocolate. Any animal that flies is horrible.

At first glance, birds may seem an exception to this rule. This is false. You can consider the fact that birds make me want to puke the main logical reason for this.

Birds do nothing but destroy. They destroy cars, fences, telephone poles, and even NATURE. That's right. In addition to leaving stringy, green spaghetti-turds in a white sauce on your car, birds mockingly shit directly into Mother Nature's mouth by ruining her best creations.

FACT: BIRDS ENJOY A STRICT DIET OF WORMS AND WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE EATING OUTSIDE FOR LUNCH AT THE TIME.

It has been proven countless times that worms are the most beneficial creatures to this planet. Hence the name: EARTHWORMS. They recycle soil and plant beautiful gardens and rain forests. You will also notice that all earthworms wear belts because they are respectful. Worms are such joyful creatures that they even party in the rain! They consider the rain their days off so they get to come outside and dance or wiggle.

Unfortunately, this is the best time for birds to get them. This is how birds ruin the planet. Birds have no other use for worms except burning them to a crisp in their fiery cavities (click the image to enlarge it), and then later leaving them on your newly-washed vehicle. What good do birds do for society? Other than being the subject of boring birdwatching clubs, NONE! There is not a single good thing birds do.

Now that we've covered every animal that flies, you can clearly see my point. Anything that flies is born with an obnoxious personality, and is disgusting. Remember that. If you want to hate life, eat dog poop, destroy the planet, and shit uncontrollably - dream to fly. Flying is not as cool as you'd hope.